How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
