I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
