If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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