Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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