I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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