the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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