Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
whose parrot is this?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
