that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
