So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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