I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
