It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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