I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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