She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
