I think my fart just growled at me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
