Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
