He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
