Fine. I'll sleep in my office
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
