Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize