what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
