we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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