I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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