Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
