i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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