I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
