A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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