Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
