OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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