After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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