Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
