eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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