I hate your face
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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