I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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