I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
