it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
