Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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