i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
