I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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