Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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