Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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