dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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