I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
