He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
