We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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