if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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