worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
