how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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