It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
