just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
