Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
