my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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