he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
this hospital has no fireball
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
