Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
