I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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