I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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