Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Houston, we have a blender
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
