Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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