I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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