he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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