gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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