went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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