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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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