READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
