My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
