I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I need to stop coming to work sober
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
