There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
