I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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