my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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