is wine microwaveable?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
