Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
