On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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