i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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