didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
