that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
