Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
