your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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