i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
