Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
