I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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